LIVE BLOGGING: THE CITY

I am watching the rebroadcast of "The City." I am not really paying attention because I just read the Swiss cheese thing outloud to my roommates, but I just noticed that Whiney (that was a typo, but I have to leave it) has two hot dudes fighting over her during Bobby Brown's "My Perogative." Why does this only happen on TV and Reality TV? It's not fair. I want this to happen to me on New Years Eve.

I promise to talk less about MTV.

SMART TALK: A point of brilliance remarked by my good old friend Matt Greenberg: "When is Miley Cyrus going to do a cover of 'Achy Breaky Heart?'" If someone can answer this question, or this cover already exists, please text message me a URL embedded in diamonds.

I've Never Liked Swiss Cheese

I can't imagine liking ANY cheese as much as this dude does.

WARNING. You'll never look at Swiss again the same way.




Thanks to my funny friend for forwarding this to me. Her name is Christina.

How Do You Relax?

The other day on the subway this lady was doing all sorts of stretching manuevers. I don't usually see this on the subway. She was with her friend, and apologized in a "don't-mind-me" sort of way. She told her friend "All that walking really inflamed my joints." Her friend seemed sympathetic, even though she was telling her about her job at the Archdiocese and how she had to walk four miles a day to get there. (Side note, I don't think what she described was four miles. How many city blocks equal four miles?) The stretching lady then goes "I can't wait to get home. I have the house to myself. I'm going to run a bath, just relax, and start reading Marley and Me". She also planned on "putting on a facial." Her friend assured her: "Oh, that's a great book. You'll love it." I didn't know that was even a book, but for some reason I was kind of surprised she described it as "great." Does Jennifer Aniston turn great books into even greater movies? According to mtv.com, it lead a Record Breaking Holiday Weekend Opening. So I guess she does! A far cry from Camp Cucamonga.

I always wondered who goes to the movies on Christmas Day. I'm sure Marley and Me is a really cute movie if you like really cute movies. Someone told me they used TWENTY TWO DOGS to make that movie. That's a lot of poop.

I also wonder what one person versus another considers relaxing. I don't think baths are that relaxing. I haven't taken one in years. I really like laying around wrapped in a blanket. For me, blankets just equal relaxation. If I ever become famous and get to show my pad on MTV Cribs, you better believe it will include a room soley devoted to blankets, painted light blue like the sky, with tons of feathers in it, and Memory Foam coated floors. I tried Google-imaging a similar type of room, but one does not exist. Yet.

LIVE BLOGGING: HORRIFIED!!!!

HOLY SHIT! I AM WATCHING SPENCER AND HEIDI NOT GET MARRIED! His sister coerced him into not going through with it without Heidi's mom there. He wants to give her the wedding of her dreams. I feel her. I'm a child of the early eighties. I always wanted to get married on MTV too, but only if my moms is there.

We have to sit through a whole season of "The City" now before we can see what really happens. This is life. Television seasons, sort of like real life seasons.

I really, really, really want this. I wish I knew about it like a week ago, when my sister texted me "What do you want for Christmas?" because I wasn't really sure then. Until I saw this!

www.getsnuggie.com

Yo, I'm too lazy to HTML that shit right now, so just use your Copy and Paste skills, please. It's worth it. Either I need that thing or I need to sew sleeves in my IKEA fleece blankets.

Why doesn't Jayson get it that "The Hills" is real? He thinks this is a FAKE show that's NOT ABOUT PEOPLE'S REAL LIVES. I'm starting to think he is on to something. 

Sing-a-longing

Did everyone know that Party Boy is in a band? This band is called the Homophones. Mr. Party Boy's songs embody the "GOOD DAYS AND SPECIAL TIMES" motto. Mr. Party Boy is very talented. You can listen to his songs on Myspace. I admittedly do not know how to link a website using HTML. So shoot me.

Hey guess what? It's Christmastime. Christmas is really special to me. I love my family, especially my parents and sister. We spend a lot of time laughing. It's the best part about being "grown" even though I am basically a child in an adult's body. The best part is going back to my parents' and hanging out with them. They're more fun than some of my friends are. 

Right now my new obsessions are: losing eBay auctions, playing Solitaire on my cell phone, expanding my shoe collection, and making construction paper birthday cards. I am new to shoes. Of course, I have been wearing them for about 28 years now. But if you, like me, have hugigundous feet, shoe shopping is more like tourture than fun. I still don't get it when people have like 235634 pairs of shoes, but I also collect clothes I will never wear and sequined things. I read in Nylon magazine about a girl who buys really expensive shoes all the time. I'd much rather spend $567 on a lot of cheap clothes, or Polaroid film, or a sleepover in a hotel room, or cheesesteaks for everyone I know.

Hug your parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and babies. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

Some People Are Good

Some people don't go to bars at last call and coerce the bartendress into selling them a bottle of wine. Those people learned a lot of those values as early as First Grade. Party Boy and Jackie are those kind of people.

I believe in good hearts and good souls. I believe in being nice. I believe in telling the truth, if I can muster it.

FYI

My friend told me that he can make notes to himself in his Blackberry mobile phone. I found out I have this function in my phone, and I am STOKED. One of my biggest problems is remembering the brilliant things I say to myself that make me laugh. If I can remember to note them in my cell phone, from now on I will not stop laughing, and as an added Bonus, y'all will get to laugh too!

For some reason there were Frat Boys on the subway home tonight. Frat Boys are typically found in University City, which is to the West, definitely not to the South, where I was a headin. I heard one boy say to the other "One time I got a fortune cookie that said 'You have a good sense of compassioness.'" Do I need to explain this, or can we just laugh about it?

On the way to the subway, a homeless man pointed at me and exclaimed "You're not black!" It's not as if I'd claimed I was. He just said it. He said it so quickly that I didn't have a chance to make a witty remark. But dude's right. I'm not black. In case anyone was wondering. I AM NOT BLACK. But I do enjoy a good blackout.

Watching TV

Tonight we watched The Cosby Show mainly to study the family's fashions. The Huxtables are a good-looking family.

This is going to be Party Boy's look for Winter 09. Lots of bright colored button-downs and subtle cardigans. Look at the way those colors match!
















The Huxable girls are no exception. You can't tell by the photo (in which Vanessa is giving Rudy advice on a school project) but Vanessa's sweatshirt is asymmetrical. Stylish! She also confirms that I should continue pursuing a Walkman on eBay.
















And Miss Tyra Banks needs to recognize: fierce be Claire Huxtable, Esq. She knows how to hold it down. She always looks fabulous doing it, even in a lumberjack flannel.
















I think Denise gets it from her mom. I like when she goes through her Afro-centric phase and her outfits get completely ethnic and bat shit crazy. But Denise takes risks. I like that about her.

Then Theo's math teacher, Mrs. Westlake, comes over for dinner:




























Mrs. Westlake is like the Salma Hayek of math teachers!