Sunday, March 1, 2009

I Knew It

In 2006, on a mini-vaction to Brooklyn, I drunkenly predicted a young Hollywood starlet would die. Around 6am we found out Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, was dead.

Just one fine example of my clairvoyance.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

On The Topic of Love...

I feel strange about and detached from the idea of love. I don't think I've ever been in it, and thinking about being in it makes me feel really weird. I don't usually talk about my feelings anywhere but my Diary, which is not for public consumption, but I just thought I would put that out there. Happy Valentine's Day, dudes!

Today I saw a lot of people in love. A man carrying flowers home for his wife, a woman holding her boyfriend's arm and gazing at him with lovey eyes, a couple talking about their plans for the weekend, married people taking the subway to the game together. Flowers make me feel weird. Coupling makes me feel weird. I don't know how to be a girlfriend, I don't know how not to be selfish.

I'm not looking for love, but hoping that it will find me, smiling, drunk and dancing, somewhere when I least expect it.

P.S. In case you were wondering, Franklin from Peanuts is not that into me. Neither is this guy:

I am not going to back down!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My Favorite Charlie Brown Character

FRANKLIN! Do you think he has a Valentine?

Sunday, February 1, 2009


Tomorrow, Groundhog's Day, is my father's birthday. Happy Birthday Chip! I just realized that it's Sunday, and getting a card to him tomorrow will not be possible. I could email him an e-card, which I think he will appreciate, but it made me realize that I also did not send my mom a birthday card, I didn't send anyone a Christmas card, I forgot about my parents am I one of those assholes who doesn't send cards? I guess I am.


Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Future Me

Today, I saw her. At the thrift store, of all places.

I've kind of always thought I end up being an old but fabulous lady who wears fantastic secondhand clothing and dramatic hats and long hair. I wish I could have gotten a picture of her face. When I saw her, I was struck with awe. She was a real presence.

The Future Me, much like the present me, has a pet fish. A black moor that will swim around in a little bowl with rainbow colored rocks. I am going to name my fish Missy Elliott, because I really like Missy Elliott, and because it's black.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Jean and Jackie have a chat! Part 2

So tonight I sat down on the couch and never got up. It was the best decision I made all day, with the exception of the hummus, sprouts and cheese sandwich I ate today. It was a really good sandwich. Jean and I had a virtual hang out! It was totes virts. Here are the best parts:

Jean: I wish it wasn't Thursday, with the weekend I feel like it will be forever before our Psssssst gets here
did you see the package? loves it
Sent at 11:10 PM on Thursday
me: I know I can't wait for that to be delivered

me: I need an Internet Intervention
Jean: I know I have been online ALL DAY
I had nothing to do at work today
except talk to tards
me: everytime you mention the tards I laugh
Jean: me too
I'm not sure which one of them was funnier
both on the same day is super funny
it wasn't candid camera it was tardTV
me: tardTV!

At some point Jean and I started to say the same thing at the same time.

me: hello?
Jean: hello
something weird happened
you were gone
then I was gone
me: "technical difficulties"
Jean: real hanging out doesn't have that
me: That doesn't happen in face to face hanging out!
Jean: we're sick

me: I also feel like I might be getting a cold
I need to find the airborne
Jean: take the airborne!
Jean: oh my god
Jean: too bad there's no gmedicine
or gherbs
me: That would be nice

Jean: and also I still wish I could fly from my house to yours
me: Me too, that would be nice
I keep saying that.
Jean: or go in a secret, safe, well-lit heated tunnel
me: that would be so convenient!
Jean: and we could make it diagonal
we could prob get to each other's house so fast
me: we could walk to each other's houses in no time!
Jean: SICK

me: i am going to make some tea
i wish I could put you on speakerphone
gchat speaker

Jean: Ooh and we should know on that door and see if Tony is home
me: yes!
Jean: we'll probably get shot
me: at least we'll be together
Jean: I'm not taking the bullet

Jean: I'm still annoyed she ignored my email.
me: that sucks!

Jean: I have 7 minutes!
me: I'm going to be sad when you go
Jean: it says I have 3 minutes so if I disappear sorry
me: ok we should say our goodbyes now
Jean: ok good night!
me: night
It's been fun "hanging out"
Jean: TTYL
me: TTYL!

Here is the saddest part:

Jean is offline and can't receive messages right now because this chat is off the record.

Oh wait. She just texted me.

Thursday, January 29, 2009