I Knew It

In 2006, on a mini-vaction to Brooklyn, I drunkenly predicted a young Hollywood starlet would die. Around 6am we found out Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, was dead.

Just one fine example of my clairvoyance.

On The Topic of Love...

I feel strange about and detached from the idea of love. I don't think I've ever been in it, and thinking about being in it makes me feel really weird. I don't usually talk about my feelings anywhere but my Diary, which is not for public consumption, but I just thought I would put that out there. Happy Valentine's Day, dudes!

Today I saw a lot of people in love. A man carrying flowers home for his wife, a woman holding her boyfriend's arm and gazing at him with lovey eyes, a couple talking about their plans for the weekend, married people taking the subway to the game together. Flowers make me feel weird. Coupling makes me feel weird. I don't know how to be a girlfriend, I don't know how not to be selfish.

I'm not looking for love, but hoping that it will find me, smiling, drunk and dancing, somewhere when I least expect it.

P.S. In case you were wondering, Franklin from Peanuts is not that into me. Neither is this guy:



I am not going to back down!

My Favorite Charlie Brown Character

FRANKLIN! Do you think he has a Valentine?

NUMBER ONE DAD!

Tomorrow, Groundhog's Day, is my father's birthday. Happy Birthday Chip! I just realized that it's Sunday, and getting a card to him tomorrow will not be possible. I could email him an e-card, which I think he will appreciate, but it made me realize that I also did not send my mom a birthday card, I didn't send anyone a Christmas card, I forgot about my parents anniversary...so am I one of those assholes who doesn't send cards? I guess I am.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY #1 DAD!

The Future Me

Today, I saw her. At the thrift store, of all places.




I've kind of always thought I end up being an old but fabulous lady who wears fantastic secondhand clothing and dramatic hats and long hair. I wish I could have gotten a picture of her face. When I saw her, I was struck with awe. She was a real presence.

The Future Me, much like the present me, has a pet fish. A black moor that will swim around in a little bowl with rainbow colored rocks. I am going to name my fish Missy Elliott, because I really like Missy Elliott, and because it's black.

Jean and Jackie have a chat! Part 2

So tonight I sat down on the couch and never got up. It was the best decision I made all day, with the exception of the hummus, sprouts and cheese sandwich I ate today. It was a really good sandwich. Jean and I had a virtual hang out! It was totes virts. Here are the best parts:

Jean: I wish it wasn't Thursday, with the weekend I feel like it will be forever before our Psssssst gets here
did you see the package? loves it
Sent at 11:10 PM on Thursday
me: I know I can't wait for that to be delivered



me: I need an Internet Intervention
Jean: I know I have been online ALL DAY
I had nothing to do at work today
except talk to tards
me: everytime you mention the tards I laugh
Jean: me too
I'm not sure which one of them was funnier
both on the same day is super funny
it wasn't candid camera it was tardTV
me: tardTV!

At some point Jean and I started to say the same thing at the same time.

me: hello?
Jean: hello
something weird happened
you were gone
then I was gone
me: "technical difficulties"
Jean: real hanging out doesn't have that
me: That doesn't happen in face to face hanging out!
WEEEEIRRRRRD
Jean: we're sick

me: I also feel like I might be getting a cold
I need to find the airborne
Jean: take the airborne!
me: HAHAHA
Jean: oh my god
Jean: too bad there's no gmedicine
or gherbs
me: That would be nice

Jean: and also I still wish I could fly from my house to yours
me: Me too, that would be nice
I keep saying that.
Jean: or go in a secret, safe, well-lit heated tunnel
me: that would be so convenient!
Jean: and we could make it diagonal
we could prob get to each other's house so fast
me: we could walk to each other's houses in no time!
Jean: SICK

me: i am going to make some tea
i wish I could put you on speakerphone
gchat speaker

Jean: Ooh and we should know on that door and see if Tony is home
me: yes!
Tony!
Jean: we'll probably get shot
me: at least we'll be together
Jean: I'm not taking the bullet

Jean: I'm still annoyed she ignored my email.
cunt
me: that sucks!
CUNT

Jean: I have 7 minutes!
me: I'm going to be sad when you go
Jean: it says I have 3 minutes so if I disappear sorry
me: ok we should say our goodbyes now
Jean: ok good night!
me: night
It's been fun "hanging out"
Jean: TTYL
me: TTYL!

Here is the saddest part:

Jean is offline and can't receive messages right now because this chat is off the record.

Oh wait. She just texted me.

GLAMOUR SHOT